crazy

It is astonishing to me that here I am still writing this blog posts about the same thing and doing nothing about it. It is just getting worse for me. I have stopped caring completely and that's when you know it's over. When you don't care what you do or how it affects the other person. You just become selfish because you want to be happy. That's what I have done. I have tried for SO long. I have have numerous conversations of how unhappy I have become and they just went in on ear and out the other. I wish he would leave me. I crave desperately for the thing I fear most. I want to be alone. I want my own house with ivy double french doors that lead to a balcony that overlooks a green terrace.. where I can sit and paint beautiful pictures and feel at peace with myself. My own little world where I can be free and I can be me. I want to be infinite and beautiful. I have known for so long that this marriage has an expiration date and I have been ready for a long time to start the next chapter in my life. I'm a floater, I don't belong in one place for to long.